Journey of Hope 2017 Exhibit: Unveiling the Completed Painting
Official title: A Portrait in Song
Do you ever experience anxiety as you work on an important project? When I started this piece, I had anxiety about finding the image. I didn’t have an image in mind after reading the mental health journey story I was given by the exhibit coordinators. But that’s normal for me, as I approach a theme or concept for a painting.
I have to sink into the deep mind and bring the image up to the surface. And I usually use music as a gateway to my subconscious. So, I put together a playlist and got centered.
As I brought forth the figure in this painting, I worried a little that I knew nothing about the author of the story that I had been assigned and how she or he would relate to the figure. But I talked myself into letting it go and devoting my attention to what was surfacing and faithfully expressing it. This led to a state of utter bliss as I worked. But once the piece was finished and framed, anxiety set in in full force.
My work looked immature to me. And why hadn’t I strengthened certain lines in the piece? I had chosen the wrong frame, why didn’t I choose that other one? That other one would have been just right.
With the exhibit’s delivery due date just one day away, I desperately scrambled to see if I could get it re-framed. But everything seemed to be working against me. The framers I regularly use were busy, Could I really afford to pay for a second frame? And I had another deadline looming for a piece that I had yet to start working on. I started to panic, “It’s wrong, it’s all wrong!”
But I recognized this pattern in myself, I had seen it before and I paused. I looked inside, instead of looking outside myself. I saw that I was hating myself and my work. I had started this painting with an open heart, set on expressing the written story as a visual image. I had started this piece, focused on understanding an experience outside myself, but I had finished it focusing on me. I needed to let go. So, I did. Letting go did not feel graceful, it felt a little like just giving up. But I gave up without bitterness, more with a sense of humility. I would let it be what it needed to be and life would go on.
The Journey of Hope exhibit opens October 7th, 3 to 7 PM at the Elk Grove Fine Arts Center, Elk Grove, Ca. I’m planning to LIVE stream from the reception that day. I’d love it if you could join me, either at the reception or on the LIVE stream. I’ll post the LIVE stream time soon, so please check back.